Thinking

I wrote this the morning after arriving here:

So, I've become my mother.  No matter what time zone I'm in, I wake up between 5:30 and 6:30, think what's the point, and get up to do something.  Mostly when my mind is reeling though, so these past two weeks, I've gotten not nearly enough sleep.  But I digress.  I've been thinking a lot lately about the kids and what all I've learned these past 6 months.  Definitely, I've learned to be less controlling about my life.  I used to really really stress when life wasn't mapped out a bit or when my house wasn't at least organized.  But I've gained enough faith to confidently turn matters over to the Lord and know that it'll all work out.  I have learned that with enough faith, I can find us a decent place to live.  In the States, I'm more confident doing new things and dealing with new people.  I learned how to be a little more outgoing and make friends faster.  I was actually a little sad to leave Omaha:  the people we'd gotten to know, our great ward, and my wonderful calling in nursery, teaching some really great little boys - not sad to leave the state though.  But anyway, I'm certain I'll gain at least as much in the next 3 months.  It's like our last bishop said, "you guys are gaining at least 5 years of experience all within 9 months."  It's very true, and though it kind of hurts to stretch so far, I feel extremely blessed to have gained so much!!  I wonder though if I'll lose some of these lessons when I get back to normal life and have less practice stretching so far.  I really hope not.  I'm excited to make the most of my time here in Mexico.  When we got off the plane, I was giddy.  But I'm also excited for it all to be over, and I'm excited to see what else I will have learned and what else the Lord has in store for me - what other gifts He wants to give me.  I can't say enough how blessed I am.  

Another thing I've learned is to be my kids' best friend and to make them my best friends.  We are worlds closer now.  (I think they trust and rely on me more than Chad, which amazing because it has CERTAINLY not always been the case!)  They really are WONDERFUL kids!!  On the drive to GA, I just kept looking back going, "HOW did we get so lucky?!!"  I especially feel that now that Everett is a little happier.  For about 4 months he's been miserable with the life changes, teething, and a stomach bug that he got two rounds of.  But now that I can see it, I am amazed at his little spirit.  I mean, I really don't see him coming across many people that don't just fall in love with him right from the off.  He has such a big sense of humor and his smile can just melt hearts - well, at least mine.  And Chloe... she amazes me too!  She's SO mature!  She understands WAY more concepts than I ever thought a 3 year old could grasp.  And BEAUTIFUL.  On the drive, I also kept thinking, "Holy Cow, how and when did she get so stinking beautiful?!"  Strangers all the time say how beautiful she is with her crazy curly hair.  Walking into Casa Bonita the other day, we passed a group of people headed to their car and one of them said, "your children are very beautiful!"  I know Chloe will at least a little, but I hope she never truly questions her beauty and worth.

Truly I feel the hand and love of the Lord in my life!  I am amazed at how much He's given me and how much He obviously loves me.  I mean just look at this view outside my bedroom window!

So, about 35 hours after writing the above, my spirits are much lower.  I've lost courage.  The kids were terrible yesterday.  Everett wants more than anything to climb the 3 flights of cement stairs but has already busted his head once.  And his eternal intestinal issues struck again.  I've already had to do a $4 load of laundry because he pooped ALL over his bed and then ours. There are no bathtubs, only showers.  So I don't know if I'll be able to avoid that expense.  We're richer than a lot of people here, but things are way more expensive than I expected and we feel stress of trying to pinch pennies to stay with in budget.  (Most things seem comparable to America, but some things cost more; and we don't get WIC or food stamps. And we have to pay for transportation.)  Chloe's been bored, but has already taken to Chenelle, one of the girls that lives here with us.  She's really really sweet and friendly and is really good with Chloe.  We've had no hot water in the past 35 hours and everyone including the kids have had to have cold showers.  The hot water heater is on the roof and keeps getting the pilot light blown out (it's insanely windy right now.)  The kitchen and living room are gross; really all of Mexico is dirty.  But we have no decent cleaning supplies.  Mexicans don't seem to realize or care about what a pretty city they have.  They just dump their trash anywhere.  And the sewer system REALLY STINKS!  The stench seeps up all of the drains in the house so the bathrooms and kitchen reek no matter what.  And hold your nose when you walk past one in the street!  The upstairs is nice though.  The landlord remodels a bit any time there's a gap between tenants.  I'd love to see what it's all like when it's done.  I've only ventured outside twice for a little walk.  When they get back from work, we're all going to brave going to the grocery store.  I have no doubt that I will have loved my time here; but right now it's really stressful and I'm counting down the days until we get to go home.